To my Friends and Family

To all those who know and love me,

My declaration of friendship and love:

1. I promise all of you that I will never lie to you unless forced by uncontrollable circumstances. Such as asking me if your fat that is a sure fire way to get me to tell a lie. Okay so maybe I might tell you a white lie now and again but just to spare your feelings. Overall, in most situations I will tell you the truth.
2. I will offer my opinion and suggestions only when asked. If I make the mistake of telling you what to do with your life please remind me of my declaration. The road less traveled is often the best one to choose.
3. Judging is something that remains for God to do. Even if I hate the new color of your bathroom which is the worst shade of orange. I shall not judge your poor taste.
4. Parenting! I'm not perfect that is all I have to say about parenting. Know that if if your kid bites my kid my kid might bite him/her back but no hard feelings.
5. Always know I'm a phone call away but the hours of operation are M-F from 9:00am-10pm.
6. My love is unconditional unless you lie first or you are just not a nice person. Consider our friendship over.
7. This one is only for family. Just because your family does not give you the right to disrespect me or anyone else. I will be the first to let you know and just know in the dark that someone is out to get you. Maybe that is a little harsh...
8. Life is to short to harbor resentments so I forgive the first, second and third offensives but it is time out after number 3.
9. Guess what is around the corner number 10 that is all I got for nine.
10. Finally, I want all my friends and family to know I got your back even when you fall. I know some of you guys are super tall but I have strong legs it's all good. Cherish the good times and work through the bad times but tomorrow is another day. Know that no secret is to hard to talk about and if I ever offend it is better to talk. Than hold on to the negative aftermath.

Converstations

When does talking about the coolest new trend become talking about how many poops your kid had in one day! When did talking about new art become the first time your kid said a curse word? I never thought that my children would become my whole world and control my adult conversations. I always wanted to debate about everything now I just want to have fun with my kids. We plan play dates for our children, vacations, and want to find places that are kid friendly to keep our kids entertained. I wonder what type of conversations people in different places all over the world have about their children. If mother's talk about poop in France or mother's in Africa worry about kid friendly restaurants. I feel blessed to have this life! A life which allows me to talk and worry about the little things my kids do and if they are happy. Being an American is a gift and having children in this country is a relief. We have medical care at our fingertips, government support when we need it, we are treasured people with many resources. Conversations can remain centered around our children and their needs.

Quiet

Quiet is such a great sound! When all day you hear are the loud screams of a 1 and 3 year boys playing. I savor the alone time and daydream of my younger days when all I had was alone time. I guess I never realized how valuable time is and how one should cherish every fleeting moment. I wake up and instantly feel very grateful to be alive and long for 48 hour days. Life is wonderful! My kids are amazing and I feel so proud to be a parent. I am glad that I choose to grow up and remain stable. To remain present and keep my focus on someone other than myself. Letting go of selfish intentions is a freeing experience. I want to remain open to life and all the roller coaster adventures that are thrown my way. The quiet helps me to reflect on the blessings and joy that God has given me. I take the best of the worst and make lemonade out of lemons. Sadness can be overcome with time and forgiveness can occur when you least expect it.

My Brother

Mom tells me today "Daniel is leaving mid-April for New York for good." I wanted to cry. I feel like I finally found my brother not that he was lost but we never knew much about each other. We are eight years apart and had very different childhoods. I left the house when he was ten and missed out on most of his football and basketball games. You know all of the cool stuff you do in high school. I did not see him go to prom or meet any of his high school girlfriends. I was gone for most of his teenage years when it would have been nice to have someone to lean on. I never have regrets or look back on past mistakes but I would have enjoyed seeing him grow up into a man. The brother I know now is amazing with kids, shy at times, very competitive, and funny. He is really funny when it comes to making fun of our parents! He is has a huge heart when it comes to family matters which makes him an ideal catch. I do not want him to leave because I feel like I have so much more to learn about him and from him. So, why is he moving? He met a girl he claims "she is the one" and I have all the hope in the world that indeed "she is the one". I want him to discover the world and hold on to his dreams. I want to see him soar in life. But, I know nothing about her and that scares me. Because, it makes me think he will slip away.Or worse yet we will both fade into our lives and forget we are brother and sister. Forget we have another person in the world that shares our DNA. Also, the weirdness that bonds us forever to our family. My Dear Brother, hold true to your dreams, keep your heart open to everything, and make your love strong and stable with her. But, most of all do not forget me!

Secrets

Secrets can be dangerous. What do people keep behind closed doors? Secrets can damage peoples lives and destroy families. What if one day you wake up and find your self living in someone else's lie? Secrets are not part of my mental makeup. But, every Mom knows little white lies can save a whole lot of time when you are dealing with toddlers and preschoolers. For the record I do my best to be honest with my kids even when it comes to the What is this question? I would never want to build a myth to big to follow. Secrets are feed to us on a daily bases! With advertising and sensational TV shows and those secrets almost justify the lie. We yearn for a life of normality and routine. I think lying is part of being human. It's not like we lie not to hurt people's feelings. We lie unconsciously. We use lies to cover when we arrive late to work or when we did not pay a bill on time. We tell ourselves lies to make life less shocking and hard to understand. Everyone is lied to and some lies are more damaging than others.

Adventures at Seaworld and PETA too

Adventures at Seaworld and PETA too!

• The Best Uncle on the block SUPER DANIEL!!!

Yep he was under the sea so to speak

He is half fish ya know!

Our Friendly sea lion and a person of interest for PETA.

Watch out Mr. Sea Lion your days are numbered at Seaworld.

Kamran and the Dolphins

It was pretty cool for him to be so close!

We went to seaworld this past weekend and we where greeted by middle aged protesters at the gates. The protesters belong to an organization know as PETA! Otherwise know as: People for the ethical treatment of animals.

Not only did the gates of Seaworld have protesters PETA had a plane circling over head and the message read-Free Whales.

So, I'm left to ponder................

• Why Ponder PETA?

My no meat Mantra!

In a life before kids I was once a vegetarian almost vegan (vegan people do not eat anything made from animals) for the purpose of being healthy and not consuming meat. I felt in my rebellious youth that all life should be respected and if you could not kill it yourself then you should not eat it.

The PETA plane worked in its subliminal message. Because my mind is wondering does Shamu need to spread its fin in the sea?

• I wonder what the world would look like if everyone stopped eating meat?
• Would chickens run around in people's front yards?
• Could Cows take dumps on my sidewalk?
• Would we spade and neuter the animals we used to eat?

I respect my animals friends almost enough not to eat them with my veggies. I think as humans on this planet we should worry about what scientists claim about heading for another ice age. We should be more concerned with cooling our planet. I understand the debate that animals release carbon and a ton of it when breed for the purpose of consumption. But, PETA why waste the carbon on a plane that you are using to create attention to free a whale that has lived in capacity for its whole life. Focus on one problem at a time and eat animals for now then cool the earth, and then stop eating animals. I guess my love for animals does not have the same intensity that most PETA supporters feel. All in all I felt a little guilty for looking at the mammals who share the same ancestral past as I. To sum up, I will remain an animal eater and Shamu will remain in captivity. On a side note the family had a great time! But, My oldest son has separation anxiety and I'm not sure how that is going to turn out! This could be a long battle because I love to travel and he does not. My kid is homebound!

Jake consuming a cold beverage Shamu style!

Jobless but not Lifeless

Peace comes from the weirdest places and when you least expect to feel serene. I lost my job well over a year ago and have yet to look back. I graduated college during my unemployment became a SAM full time which has it's days of bliss and chaos. I would never trade unemployment for time with my kids. However, not working has left me without a community of people. I get to see my boys grow, change, laugh, and cry. I become their everyday guide in life. I know my skill set is not 100% perfect for teaching children but what a wonderful time in all of our lives.

Being Mommy

First, for the record I never wanted to have children. My life was supposed to be glamorous sex in the city 2010 version of Carey. My ideal version of myself was living down town in a high rise enjoying a cocktail for happy hour. I was not supposed to live in suburban Katy with two boys and a four bedroom 2 bath 1 car garage. So, how did I end up in another reality far from the one I dreamed of everyday in my youth. Well, as they say I meet Mr. Right who appeared from a dating website on a fluke and it was a whirl wind since 2002. I turned my pub loving city dreams into a mild mannered wife who was expecting our first son. How did I know my husband was my perfect match? When I was 7 month pregnant we lost everything in a fire. Our one bedroom condo burned to the ground but we never stopped living we kept going and survived together. We never skipped a beat never focused on what we did not have but what we planned on having our baby. I think when you lose everything nothing seems worth anything. My dreams of sky scrappers landed in the rear part of my brain to set on the back burner of my reality. Our son Kamran was born and life changed! Life became so much more richer filled with baby laughs and countless amounts of diapers. My husband became a father and I became a mother and life was better. So, my daydreams of youth faded away and replaced by my new reality. I was mommy again to our little baby Jacob my pregnancy was marked by many world winds of chaos. Jacob endured a hurricane, funeral, and loss of great grandpa the day after he was born. Jacob is a smart over the top little guy who keeps everyone on their toes. So, being Mommy never stops it is a 24 hour job which keeps me on call everyday. Being Mommy is the greatest gift I have been given and life in the city lacks nothing compared to Mommy.

Granny

Granny
My grandmother would have turned 96 today. But, she died going on two years in May and I am having intense memory flashbacks. My mother has her birthday marked on her calendar which sits on her frig and I noticed it last weekend. My mind started to race when I thought about what a huge impact my grandmother had on my life. All of my best childhood memories are of my grandparents. Helen Mary Louise Nolte Kaatz was my red headed grandmothers full name. She was born farmer but far surpassed all the expectations from her family by winning a national beauty pageant. She lost her mother and brother when she was young and I never heard her talk about missing them. She out lived most of her family. Granny was amazing she could sew, cook, and hard stellar math

skills. Helen never raised her voice at least I never heard a negative word come out of her mouth. She would take me to the 5&10 store and we would shop for school supplies. She made me clothes and let me pick the patterns. I adorned my grandmother! Granny had a magical way about her she would glide through the most intense problems with ease. She survived breast cancer and a stroke to final leave this earth with colon cancer. I wish she would speak to me one more time a hug, some type of symbol, her laughter. I was four months pregnant with my son Jacob when I lost my grandmother and on her death bed I asked her if she knew what I was having and she told me a boy. I got to kiss her good bye one last time a luxury most people do not get to have when they lose a loved one. She was so beautiful when she died her skin glowed. She was perfect! I can not imagine what my life would have been like with out my granny. It would have been a very quite and lonely childhood. I want to Thank her for everything she did and all the wonderful gifts she gave me and all the lessons about love, gratitude, and God. Not many people understand what it means to be happy and have someone eternal love you. I understand how great it feels to have someone care about you and cherish you for the joy you bring them. Granny I will always love you and remember everything you did you me. I fear that my memories will fade and I will forget what your voice sounds like but I grasp on to you. I paint a picture of your face so my love will never fade and your memory will always remain alive inside my mind.

Is blogging Cathartic?

So, this blogging thing is new to me however it feels great! A cathartic adventure into a cyber world that I have never really grasped because the outside world seems way more appealing. But an online journal of your thoughts for others to share different but intriguing. However, it leaves me with many questions???? Do I need everyone understanding my inner voice my ID or do I just want people to pay attention to me! Lately I would say I want people to pay attention to me. This suburban gig is a little lonely at times when the only two people you send hours with are 3 and 1! Which makes for a limited vocabulary and a ton of transformers and I find myself longing for individuality. Blogs are cathartic but as we learned in introduction to clinical psychology not all cathartic forms of therapy benefit the individual. For now this blogging thing gives a voice to an unemployed stay at home mother who is looking for work post-bachelors degree. I dig blogging so I shall blog away!!

Randomized thoughts with no glimpse of organized brain waves

Today is the first day of the rest of my life....How may times have we all decided to start a new venture, diet, or keep everything organized? I can rightful say the majority of my life. My newest and latest venture. Weight loss! Let's just say my BMI is off the charts meaning I am fat. I go to the gym 6 days out of the week but have I seen an huge change no sir but that does not mean I am giving up. I will endure for my beach body well maybe not beach body but a more toned version of myself. The funny part about this whole weight loss roller coaster is I have ridden it once before and come out victorious. I lost 50 pounds with the help of weight watchers and lost of exercise and cigarettes and maybe a bit of diet coke. Honestly, it was hard work and watching everything I ate. Overall, I made it happen and it for the most part naturally. So, I back on the wagon and maybe I should try eating like my kids caffeine free, turkey dogs and fruit. I might have discovered the next big diet crazy Toddler & Preschoolers food management program for adults which includes all the sugar free jello you can handle with an occasional cheat day with a pudding cup. Maybe it is the simple things that make us the most happy and content. Satisfaction resides in the little things! The unnoticed unseen small factors that appear when a clear sky offers brilliant clouds to provide daydreams for an active mind. The simple things that is the path I am looking for nothing shiny or glossy like a cake or pie. But, wholesome like black bean chili with extra fiber. Well maybe not the extra fiber. I think having a reason to eat such as hunger is what should motivate you to put food in your mouth. Living with less (FAT) is a good way of life. A simple life filled with veggies, beans, and whole grains. Wish me luck on my pathway to simple living a more natural pathway.