Granny

Granny
My grandmother would have turned 96 today. But, she died going on two years in May and I am having intense memory flashbacks. My mother has her birthday marked on her calendar which sits on her frig and I noticed it last weekend. My mind started to race when I thought about what a huge impact my grandmother had on my life. All of my best childhood memories are of my grandparents. Helen Mary Louise Nolte Kaatz was my red headed grandmothers full name. She was born farmer but far surpassed all the expectations from her family by winning a national beauty pageant. She lost her mother and brother when she was young and I never heard her talk about missing them. She out lived most of her family. Granny was amazing she could sew, cook, and hard stellar math

skills. Helen never raised her voice at least I never heard a negative word come out of her mouth. She would take me to the 5&10 store and we would shop for school supplies. She made me clothes and let me pick the patterns. I adorned my grandmother! Granny had a magical way about her she would glide through the most intense problems with ease. She survived breast cancer and a stroke to final leave this earth with colon cancer. I wish she would speak to me one more time a hug, some type of symbol, her laughter. I was four months pregnant with my son Jacob when I lost my grandmother and on her death bed I asked her if she knew what I was having and she told me a boy. I got to kiss her good bye one last time a luxury most people do not get to have when they lose a loved one. She was so beautiful when she died her skin glowed. She was perfect! I can not imagine what my life would have been like with out my granny. It would have been a very quite and lonely childhood. I want to Thank her for everything she did and all the wonderful gifts she gave me and all the lessons about love, gratitude, and God. Not many people understand what it means to be happy and have someone eternal love you. I understand how great it feels to have someone care about you and cherish you for the joy you bring them. Granny I will always love you and remember everything you did you me. I fear that my memories will fade and I will forget what your voice sounds like but I grasp on to you. I paint a picture of your face so my love will never fade and your memory will always remain alive inside my mind.

Is blogging Cathartic?

So, this blogging thing is new to me however it feels great! A cathartic adventure into a cyber world that I have never really grasped because the outside world seems way more appealing. But an online journal of your thoughts for others to share different but intriguing. However, it leaves me with many questions???? Do I need everyone understanding my inner voice my ID or do I just want people to pay attention to me! Lately I would say I want people to pay attention to me. This suburban gig is a little lonely at times when the only two people you send hours with are 3 and 1! Which makes for a limited vocabulary and a ton of transformers and I find myself longing for individuality. Blogs are cathartic but as we learned in introduction to clinical psychology not all cathartic forms of therapy benefit the individual. For now this blogging thing gives a voice to an unemployed stay at home mother who is looking for work post-bachelors degree. I dig blogging so I shall blog away!!

Randomized thoughts with no glimpse of organized brain waves

Today is the first day of the rest of my life....How may times have we all decided to start a new venture, diet, or keep everything organized? I can rightful say the majority of my life. My newest and latest venture. Weight loss! Let's just say my BMI is off the charts meaning I am fat. I go to the gym 6 days out of the week but have I seen an huge change no sir but that does not mean I am giving up. I will endure for my beach body well maybe not beach body but a more toned version of myself. The funny part about this whole weight loss roller coaster is I have ridden it once before and come out victorious. I lost 50 pounds with the help of weight watchers and lost of exercise and cigarettes and maybe a bit of diet coke. Honestly, it was hard work and watching everything I ate. Overall, I made it happen and it for the most part naturally. So, I back on the wagon and maybe I should try eating like my kids caffeine free, turkey dogs and fruit. I might have discovered the next big diet crazy Toddler & Preschoolers food management program for adults which includes all the sugar free jello you can handle with an occasional cheat day with a pudding cup. Maybe it is the simple things that make us the most happy and content. Satisfaction resides in the little things! The unnoticed unseen small factors that appear when a clear sky offers brilliant clouds to provide daydreams for an active mind. The simple things that is the path I am looking for nothing shiny or glossy like a cake or pie. But, wholesome like black bean chili with extra fiber. Well maybe not the extra fiber. I think having a reason to eat such as hunger is what should motivate you to put food in your mouth. Living with less (FAT) is a good way of life. A simple life filled with veggies, beans, and whole grains. Wish me luck on my pathway to simple living a more natural pathway.